I love food and I see food as love, but I also have a complicated relationship with food.

As a food-motivated neurodivergent person, my body craves food to self-soothe and regulate myself through dissociation to ground myself in the present. Ironically, this same neurodivergence has given me a lifetime of disordered eating and ever-evolving dietary sensitivities that is now amplified and exacerbated by my long covid.

Consuming comfort foods rooted in nostalgia and generational tradition now result in a full body histamine response that feels like having the flu for weeks. My bad habit is that knowing this, I will choose to eat these foods anyways.

I think about these forbidden foods constantly and sculpt them from clays, styrofoams, and building materials as a way to process the ongoing grief of deprivation from this most visceral form of comfort. Having these sculpted foods hanging overhead, always, in a gentle, ever-present tornadic spiral is a way to externalize this experience.